More Top Ten

The Top Ten Things I Hate About Me:

1. I'm too prone to let people and situations upset me or make me feel picked on.


2. My face isn't as symmetrical as I'd like it to be (it should be some consolation that Anna Nicole Smith said the same thing about herself, but it isn't), and I don't look as good as I did when I was younger.


3. My financial situation isn't what I wish it was.


4. I'm too easily intimidated by authority figures.


5. I'm not multi-lingual (I can get along in French okay, and I know some German, but I'd like to be really fluent in at least two other languages).


6. I'm incredibly impatient, even when it's to my own disadvantage.


7. I've never managed to publish a book or get a screenplay produced.


8. I've allowed myself to become very discouraged about #7, above.


9. My gut reaction when asked to do something is to say no.


10. I'm a terrible procrastinator.

Ten Things Most People Don't Know About Me

It's kind of a trend on some of the blogs I read to write 7 or 10 or 22 or however many "things you don't know about me," so I thought I'd try my hand at it.

1. I cry at movies. A lot. And really hard. Sometimes I audibly sob so much that I disturb the people around me. When I went to see a Lassie movie in the 1990s (I owned a collie at the time) I burst into tears as the opening credits began to roll! What an idiot I am! I've also been known to cry during cat food commercials.

2. I think all drugs should be legal, but I hate to even be in the same house with people smoking marijuana, and I don't like to be around other drugs, either. I think they should be legal, because the government programs aren't working and are a waste of time and money, plus, if people want to get high, it's their business. I hate marijuana because it stinks, and people act so goofy when they're on that and other drugs. I know, I'm no fun at all, right? But I think the AfroMan song is hilarious.

3 Okay, here's another sort of political one: I could care less about who marries who. Gay marriage, group marriage, animal marriage, even incest. The whole topic is kind of boring to me. As long as they are consenting adults and there's no abuse going on, I'm clueless about why anyone even cares.

4. I like to watch trashy TV shows in Spanish. I'm trying to learn Spanish, a little bit at a time, and so sometimes I watch these shows on Univision that are, like, the equivalent of the Jerry Springer show. I'd never in a million years watch these things in English, but in Spanish, I find them highly entertaining.

5. I've actually been to Graceland.

6. I hate to tell my age. I once had a shrink refuse to treat me because I didn't want to discuss my age on the first visit. These things require a build-up of trust, don't they?

7. More than anything, I want to be a published novelist and produced screenwriter. And I don't mean published by Piddly-Axx Press or produced by the Stoner-in-His-Basement Film Company. I've put so much of my heart and soul into my writing, and I still can't seem to make it happen.

8. I have a secret Indian (Native American) name that I was given by my half-Indian mother and told to keep a secret forever. I know some tribes call this a "War Name" and say you're supposed to draw upon the name for strength. I've never revealed my secret name to anyone.

9. I sleep with stuffed animals. Every night. If I go on a trip, I'll take a miniature one with me.

10. I don't much like to make lists like this one. So I'll stop now.

Last Night's Dream

[Warning: This is not an upbeat, cheerful, happy entry. If you're looking for that, check out Jorge Garcia's blog.]

My mother died when I was 10. I was devastated, especially because this happened at a time when I was going though horrible "issues" with the kids at school. I grew about four inches in height that year and was suddenly one of the tallest kids in the whole school, towering over all the boys and all but one of the girls. This led to substantial humiliation and rejection. Moreover, Marilyn O., who'd been my best friend since kindergarten, abandoned the newly gawky me for a malicious but cute little girl named Marilyn S.

Anyway, I was ridiculed on a daily basis, both in school and around the neighborhood, but the incident I remember the best took place at my mother's funeral.

It was a hot and sunny August day. I was 10 years old, as mentioned before. I remember being told before the service that I should "be a big girl and try not to cry." I was given some pills to take: Valium or some other sedative.

After my mother's casket was lowered into the ground, the adults put me back in the funeral-home's limo while they stood around the grave and talked.

I sat there by myself in the limo, miserable, lonely, bored, and doped up. The limo had automatic windows, and in my soporific state, I began playing with the one nearest me, pushing the button on the armrest, making it go up and down, up and down, up and down.

I gazed through the window as I played with it, and suddenly I noticed Marilyn O. and Marilyn S. standing not far away from the limo. They were pointing and blatantly making fun of me for playing with the window. There were no adults around to stop them.

So that was my dream last night, reliving that moment at my mother's funeral when I was derided and ridiculed.