My Wedding Dream (Not My Dream Wedding)

Right out of high school I met a guy that I dated and eventually got engaged to. His name was Keith. He was talk, dark, and handsome. He was from an underprivileged family, but was very "straight" (didn't use drugs, had old-fashioned, family values) and well-mannered.

He also was dumb as a post.

He delighted in belittling me, especially in front of his friends.

I later learned that he cheated on me constantly.

I didn't have a mother, but my best friend's mother adored Keith. She was always buying him things--one time she gave him a TV for his apartment.

Everyone seemed to think Keith was the perfect guy--a great "catch."

After we'd gone together for about a year, he enlisted in the Air Force. When he came home on leave for Christmas, he stayed at our house and we got engaged. He formally and politely asked my father for "my hand" before buying me a beautiful diamond ring. His best friend--Bob, who remained my very good friend until he died last year--went with us to pick it out.

Keith said that now that I was engaged to him and he was away in the Air Force, I wasn't allowed to go out with friends. He said I had to stay home every night, including weekends.

I was 19 and in college.

In letters that he wrote, and when I'd talk to him on the phone, he'd cruelly ridicule everything about me. I had a male friend from childhood who was chubby. Keith referred to him as "that fat slob."

By the following summer--surprise, surprise--we were no longer engaged.

Last night I had a dream in which Keith and I got married.

I'm rapidly forgetting the dream, but the salient features were these:

• We had a traditional, formal church wedding and reception.



• The two bridesmaids were two girls from my high school that in real life I despised.



• I received white bed sheets as wedding gifts.



• I had no say at all in planning the wedding; Keith planned everything.



• There was a really fancy "souvenir program" from the wedding. It was full of quotes from Keith's friends, and references to his friends, and references to sports (I'm not a sports fan). I didn't even know about the program until I saw one after the reception. When I saw it, I felt hurt and excluded and disappointed and powerless.



• No friends or family members of mine were at the wedding or the reception.



• Keith got totally drunk at the reception and passed out.



• While Keith was passed out, I went for a walk and bought ice cream from an outdoor ice-cream vendor.



• While Keith was passed out, I decided I'd made a mistake and would ask for an annulment.



• In the dream, the only way to get an annulment was if the marriage was not consumated, and I knew I had to be very careful not to have sex with Keith.

I was relieved when I awoke and found it was only a dream.